rumor

Tomorrow Apple may (or may not) announce the information (or not) of their newest (or imagined) tablet that may possibly not be called the iTablet.  The buzz around this is approached ridiculous, passed through it, and actually came out the other side in what’s known as a “Fanboy Wormhole”.

I am not immune. I have no idea why I would want or need this object I have yet to even see, but my expectations are high. So are those of my online compatriots, so I asked for a list of what features this iTablet would need to have to meet their expectations. Here are the device specifications, according to the Wisdom of Crowds:

Appearance

• Breathtakingly beautiful (only viewable through sunglasses)
• Upholstered in rich corinthian leather
• Light as a feather (Hummingbird’s)
• Wafer thin
• Cupholder

Specifications

• Supports Linux
• 3D visual display
• 3D audio speakers
• 3D smellorama
• Infinite storage capacity
• Anti-gravity stabilizers (for use as hoverboard)
• Time travel through TARDIS interface (only available in blue)
• Invisibility cloak
• Bulletproof, laserproof, waterproof, deathproof

Features

• Comedy detector
• Bullshit detector
• Built in lightsaber
• Projectable Cone of Silence (double strength in coffee shops)
• Folds clothes
• Prevents dry skin (possibly through lotion dispenser/web cam combo)
• Makes breakfast burritos
• Roasts and brews coffee (possibly through the iStarbucks app)
• Tissue dispenser
• Walks your dog (using hoverboard feature to return if dog gets tired)
• Detects Dark Matter
• Slow or stop time (see: TARDIS feature)
• Understand user’s intention independent of actual actions
• Generates (then detects) Higgs Bosons

Many thanks to Troy, Martha, Jodi, Robin, Tim, Tammy, Paulette, Carlos, Ron, Shari, Dave, Dustin, Roger, Alan, Mark, Jess, Evelyn, and  Byron for helping me craft this crystal clear picture.  Here’s hoping that tomorrow all of our dreams come true!

Read our lastest cheap plasma cutter review by following the link below.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Developers Involved In Apple Tablet In Cone Of Silence (ubergizmo.com)
• Five ways the Apple iTablet could change our lives (telegraph.co.uk)
• Apple iTablet: the obvious name? (updated) (engadget.com)