After having an hour of productive time disappear after getting sidetracked in some Wikipedia articles, I tweeted out “It’s official – in the Seven Deadly Sins they’re replacing “Sloth” with “Dicking Around On The Internet””. It was retweeted enough I thought I’d try my hand at updating the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins for the internet age. As I am well acquainted with most forms of sin, I consider myself credentialed enough for this scholarly undertaking.
|Old Sin||New Sin||Meaning|
|Lust||Apple||A self-indulgent craving for intimacy with sleek products; a desire for gadgets of svelte, sexy design and limited capabilities, regardless of price|
|Gluttony||Followers||Accumulation of faceless followers of minuscule value; insatiable craving for more followbacks than @aplusk but knowing no number would ever be enough|
|Greed||Digg||An inordinate desire to acquire more thumbs-up than the person or content deserves, especially with respect to regular content updates of no exceptional merit; if you like this post click here|
|Sloth||Dicking Around On The Internet||Wasting of valuable, potentially productive time by randomly clicking from link to link; frequently committed on Facebook, YouTube, and Wikipedia|
|Wrath||Flamewar||To maim, mangle, spindle, or mutilate another’s actions online through hyperbole and hysteria; motivation, experience, and parentage (esp: Yo Mama) frequently called into question|
|Envy||Trolling||To secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability through posting off-topic or cynical remarks to provoke others into an emotional response; you would already know what this meant if you weren’t a retarded Nazi|
|Pride||SEO Ranking||Seeking of the first spot, on the first page, of any Googling and Binging that a user would care to undertake; often irrelevant to value of content on page; iPad, Justin Bieber, Twilight, Health Care Reform, Lady Gaga|
There’s the main Seven. I won’t do the Advanced Set of Sins yet as those are tricky to explain without graphics. If you can improve on any of my updated definitions, let me know. That’s all for now fellas, make sure to check my lastest review for
toiletable.com and comment here!