After having an hour of productive time disappear after getting sidetracked in some Wikipedia articles, I tweeted out “It’s official – in the Seven Deadly Sins they’re replacing “Sloth” with “Dicking Around On The Internet””. It was retweeted enough I thought I’d try my hand at updating the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins for the internet age. As I am well acquainted with most forms of sin, I consider myself credentialed enough for this scholarly undertaking.
| Old Sin | New Sin | Meaning |
| Lust | Apple | A self-indulgent craving for intimacy with sleek products; a desire for gadgets of svelte, sexy design and limited capabilities, regardless of price |
| Gluttony | Followers | Accumulation of faceless followers of minuscule value; insatiable craving for more followbacks than @aplusk but knowing no number would ever be enough |
| Greed | Digg | An inordinate desire to acquire more thumbs-up than the person or content deserves, especially with respect to regular content updates of no exceptional merit; if you like this post click here |
| Sloth | Dicking Around On The Internet | Wasting of valuable, potentially productive time by randomly clicking from link to link; frequently committed on Facebook, YouTube, and Wikipedia |
| Wrath | Flamewar | To maim, mangle, spindle, or mutilate another’s actions online through hyperbole and hysteria; motivation, experience, and parentage (esp: Yo Mama) frequently called into question |
| Envy | Trolling | To secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability through posting off-topic or cynical remarks to provoke others into an emotional response; you would already know what this meant if you weren’t a retarded Nazi |
| Pride | SEO Ranking | Seeking of the first spot, on the first page, of any Googling and Binging that a user would care to undertake; often irrelevant to value of content on page; iPad, Justin Bieber, Twilight, Health Care Reform, Lady Gaga |
There’s the main Seven. I won’t do the Advanced Set of Sins yet as those are tricky to explain without graphics. If you can improve on any of my updated definitions, let me know. That’s all for now fellas, make sure to check my lastest review for
toiletable.com and comment here!
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One of your best posts yet, imho.
Oooh, high praise given the amount of my silliness you’ve had to endure! Thank you!
Nice. Can’t imagine any improvements. You didn’t ask us to confess our sins here, did you? One hit really close to home. [gulp]
.-= Charlene´s last blog ..Gowalla And Your Business =-.
I think I’ve committed most of them in both revisions, so you’re not the worst offender around here, Charlene!
So knowing what the new Seven Deadly Sins are begs the question: where do we go to confess these sins? If you say Twitter, I’ll have to have some wrath, er, flamewar with you.
Here you go Matthew:
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=online+confession
You can pick which best suits your personality 🙂
Wow… is there NO service you can’t find on the Internet these days?
Nice, but is there an app for that?
Not generically on Twitter. Specifically you have to confess to the Twitter Pope… the @Twope!
What if I can’t fit a description of my sin into a single DM?
The excellence of your categories is matched only by your first tag.
All I’ve got to say is, this post is awesome-sauce. Nice work, or was it dicking around on the internet?
.-= Wes Novack´s last blog ..Redeeming Foursquare promo offers: my experience =-.