Image via Wikipedia

Friends, I am in love. Yes, yes, this happens to me on a regular basis, but sometimes cupid attacks from a strange place, and this time he got me via my spam folder.

I received the most poetic, beautiful spam I think has ever been crafted by pseudo random code. Read on and see why I was so enchanted!

I am female.

A good start!  Simple and direct. I am cautious, shy, yet intrigued!

I have a blonde hair with golden shining.

Only one of her hairs is blonde – a dye-job gone wrong?  She is endowed with the Shining, and it is golden. Can Redrum be far behind with this maiden of mystery?

My eyes is green.

Does my damsel have one eye, or two? Or is it that the color is so singular it cannot be used in the plural?

I am medium height. I have beautiful hair.  My hair is medium straight.

Her hair must be beautiful indeed to merit a second mention. I picture it radiating with at the middle of the visible spectrum, appealing to the median of all males.

I live in a metropolis.  I work in public service.

Hold on… Metropolis?  Public service?  Lois Lane… is that you!?

I like to watch talk shows.  Representations in the theater.

The contrasting here of talk shows as a modern social commentary through consumable mass media and the theatrical foundations of storytelling is… sublime.

I like look after flowers . I like mountains.

She doesn’t look after flowers like a gardener, she looks like after flowers have been present and left the premises for the dream of the Compost Heap in the sky. And she is like a mountain… a husky woman, probably with enormous crags.

If you talk about me I am open panther.

A master of the Chung Quong Ding school of Kung Fu, the Open Panther school is one of the deadliest forms! Her privacy is very important to her, and I hope she does not reveal that I have shared our connection in this blog!

Most of all in men I value openness.

If I am not open with her, I am sure she will tear it from my throat with an Open Panther technique.

When I noticed you cinema.

Her use of cinema as a verb shows a playful linguistic side, underscored by terminating the sentence before the final act.

lightning decided for myself should.

Sounds like Yoda, she does.  Could our cinema be Star Wars?  Am I Luke to her… Yoda. Wait, suddenly this is getting a bit slashficy…

Because I can be for you a good friend if you want. I’m write me on my e-mail.

Oh, I shall, My Darling, I shall. Your Nigerian father shall have all the riches promised to him if I can at all help. Then we shall cinema upon the like of flowers that you panther up the mountain of our dreams.

God Bless the Internet and all its magic.

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Another new screenplay? My brain a’splodes.
• What my Twitter cloud does (and doesn’t) say about me
• Know me by my Moo

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• I wouldn’t read my blog.  (Brian Shaler)
• What I’m learning from my Give Evo an EVO campaign  (Evo Terra)
• What Business Can Learn from Trololo  (Evo Terra)

Image by See-ming Lee ??? SML via Flickr

After having an hour of productive time disappear after getting sidetracked in some Wikipedia articles, I tweeted out “It’s official – in the Seven Deadly Sins they’re replacing “Sloth” with “Dicking Around On The Internet”".  It was retweeted enough I thought I’d try my hand at updating the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins for the internet age.  As I am well acquainted with most forms of sin, I consider myself credentialed enough for this scholarly undertaking.

There’s the main Seven. I won’t do the Advanced Set of Sins yet as those are tricky to explain without graphics. If you can improve on any of my updated definitions, let me know.

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Know a great Valley non-profit that could use some help?
• Quest for Power: iPhone charging device for SXSW
• Getting Tased

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• Successful Startups Need Supportive Communities  (Derek Neighbors)
• 5 Reasons Why Your Submission to Ignite Phoenix Sucks  (Ignite Phoenix)
• Behold the amazing submissions for Ignite Phoenix #2!  (Ignite Phoenix)

oob_pics on Flickr

I’m a long time Improv fan, being a former member of the most excellent Oxymoron’Z Troupe, and a founding member of the Jester’Z Troupe here in the Valley. I haven’t performed in ages, but the topic still nibbles at me, which is what led to my interest in Improv + Social Media.  So I was flattered when I was invited to be a Guest Monologuist for the wonderful Galapagos Improv Troupe’s this coming Saturday.

Galapagos does long form/Harold type improv, so I’ll be riffing on some things from my past and right in front of your eyes they’ll be bringing it to scary, scary life. My improv skills are rusty as hell, but not having any idea what I’m doing rarely slows me down. So if you want to catch some great local comedy, support an awesome local theater, or just want to see me get made fun of for an evening, come check it out!

Where: The Trunk Space – 1506 NW Grand Ave. Phoenix, AZ (map)
When: Saturday, March 6th, 8:00pm
Cost: $5
Evening of Laughter: Priceless
Reusing Old MasterCard Joke: Cliche
Final Item In This List: Thank God

Hope to see you Saturday!

Related articles by Zemanta

• Upright Citizens Brigade Touring Co. brings the NYC funny to Oakland’s Pan Theater (prweb.com)
• Chicago BeAt…Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival, Weekend One (trueslant.com)
• Why Improv? (improvmedia.net)

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Taking it to the streets with Locals Only: Phoenix
• Sharing interesting articles through Posterous
• Back to Basics

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• Scared to present? We’ll help you with that.  (Ignite Phoenix)
• Some Thoughts on the Future of Gangplank  (Derek Neighbors)
• Commentary on Whats Wrong With Downtown Phoenix  (Derek Neighbors)

If you’re havin’ trouble with your Google rank
It’s givin’ you the blues
You wanna get first page but not break the bank
Here’s what you gotta do
Grab your iPhone, I’m in the zone
Txt me any time
Just ping 1.36.24.36 hey
I lead my life online

Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)

You got problems in your web designer
You got a broken link
He’s double dealin’ with another site
That’s when the clickthroughs drop fella
Grab your iPhone, I’m in the zone
Or make a website crawl
Log right in, forget ’bout him
We’ll have ourselves a blog!

Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)

If you’ve got a spammer and you want her gone
But you can’t block that putz
She keeps emailin’ you night and day
Enough to drive you nutz
Grab your iPhone, I’m in the zone
It’s time to trash her brand,
For a fee, I’m happy to be
Your linkjack man!

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Doin’ the Frenzy
• Pictures from Rome
• Twitter Updates for 2008-09-24

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• MsHerr hits 10k tweets and hands over the keys  (Ms. Herr)
• You mean to tell me it’s 2008 already!?  (Tomas Carrillo)
• Connect with communities to build your brand  (Evo Terra)

I’m prone to random ideas, and last week it struck me that just about any danged crazy thing could (or has) been used as metaphor for Social Media, Web 2.0, or whatever you want to call this stuff. I had some time waiting for a program to install, so I threw out onto Twitter for people to “send me a noun” that I would then attempt to form into some faux profundity about Social Media.

Well, leave it to Twitter. The nouns flew fast and furious, and I had to cut them off quickly or I would have been at it all day. Below is the list of people, the words they gave me, and my replies. I won’t vouch for the quality of the replies, but it was definitely fun. Sometimes the best creativity flows when you’re really under the gun.

• The rutabaga is a vegetable similiar to the turnip. The Root O’ Social Media is building communities. (@JeffReidAZ)
• Getting old corporations to adopt new media is like curing a giraffe of a cough. It takes a while and you’re gonna get kicked. (@TSDivaDani)
• Like a noun is the crux of every good sentence, honesty is the crux of every good blog. (@c_reed (nice one!))
  
• Travelling snake-oil salesmen used to sell from their suitcase, now they just use twitter and my InBox! (@snakecharmers)
• A good blogger needs a good pair of overalls, because like a farmer at some point you’ll be covered in ****. (@maniactive)
• Like parsnip cowers in the shadow of the mighty carrot, spammers will never quite measure up to the honest blogger (@smlacy)
• Even the mighty blue whale knows the difference between the soggy plankton and the nourishing krill of the internet. (@memestorm)
• Like the mighty aardvark, you must plunge your moist snout of curiousity into the anthill of social media! (@jeffmann)
• L is for the layers of conversation social media brings to discussions, from the meaningful to the totally contrived. (@deanouellette) (ed: Not sure L was a noun, but what the heck)
  
• Many enter the social media vestibule, but they’re not entering the main hall without purchasing a Ticket of Sincerity. (@timedalkat)
• Social Media is the soup of the internet. You have to stir through lots of broth and peas to find the tasty bits of meat. (@spellwight)

I’ll definitely give it another try someday. Maybe make a whole book of these things.

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• The Road
• Another new screenplay? My brain a’splodes.
• Do you have the skills for Social Media?

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• Are You Slow Enough to Succeed in Social Media  (Convince & Convert)
• The 6 Dangerous Fallacies of Social Media  (Convince & Convert)
• A Social Media Gun to the Head  (Convince & Convert)

Once upon a Tweetdeck dreary, while I Twittered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious snurl of meme-passed lore,
While I groaned, nearly bailing, suddenly there came a failing,
As of something poorly scaling, scaling on some maxed out cores.
”Tis some n00b,’ I muttered, ‘scaling on a single core -
Only this, and nothing more.’

Thusly here I clicked to Send, when, with what became a great portend,
In there appeared a smirking whale of whose sight I’d soon abhor.
Not the least apology made he; not any helpful info gave me;
But, with mien of poor design, loaded into my screen’s d?©cor -
Loaded into the browser of Mozilla in the focus of my screen’s d?©cor -
Loaded, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this cyan mammal floating my sad patience was eroding,
By the silly and flighty decorum of the struggling birds it bore,
‘Though the image be used and stale, thou,’ I said, ‘art sure of small detail.
Ghastly smug and bloated whale flitting from thy server’s shore -
Tell me what thy pixeled name is on the Net’s Spamtonian shore!’
Quoth the Whale, ‘Nevermore.’

And the Whale, always gloating, still is loading, still is loading,
On the browser of Mozilla just above my apps galore;
And his teeth have all the gnashing of an application’s that is crashing,
And the back-lash o’er him washing throws his funding to the floor;
And my tweets from out that leviathan that is my screen’s d?©cor
Shall be loading – nevermore!

(with profound apologies to E.A.P.)

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Doin’ the Frenzy
• The Road
• Another new screenplay? My brain a’splodes.

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• 7 Ingredients in the Perfect Twitter Profile  (Convince & Convert)
• 3 Key Twitter Changes Lost in the Hysteria  (Convince & Convert)
• Twitter, Let’s Play a Game  (Brian Shaler)

A long time back I set up some job alerts at different career sites like Dice and Monster.com for Social Media positions.¬† I hadn’t received an email alert from Monster.com in a while, and I’d almost entirely forgotten I had it still active.

Until this week.

Monster.com is either drunk out of their minds, or there is a deep change coming in the Social Media landscape.¬† The same alert that once returned positions like “Community Manager” and “Wiki Administrator” in just Arizona have now returned:

• Emergency Medical Science Instructor in Kinston, NC
• 911 Dispatcher in Yuma, AZ
• Lawn Tech in Ocala, FL
• Triad Associate Dentist in Winston/Salem
• Assistant Thai Cook in Destin, FL
• Special Ops Personnel (Military Combat) in (No location given)
• Manager at House of China Restaurant in (No location given)

The message is clear. Social Media has moved beyond trying to drive authentic, dynamic conversations and is now a critical component of every facet of our lives.  Where once you needed to just know how to set up WordPress, now you must know CPR. Where once you just had to know how to use Friendfeed, now you have to be able to carve shrubbery into funny animal shapes.  Where once you just had to know how to filter Scoble out from every damned Internet tool on Earth, you now must be able to infiltrate enemy governments while cooking Asian gourmet food AT THE SAME TIME.

I, for one, welcome the challenge.  And if you happen to be looking for a job yourself, I think there may be a Web Developer position opening up really soon over at Monster.com

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• The Road
• Doin’ the Frenzy
• Another new screenplay? My brain a’splodes.

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• The 6 Dangerous Fallacies of Social Media  (Convince & Convert)
• Why You’re the Key to Social Media Success  (Convince & Convert)
• Do You Have the Guts to Expect Social Media Failure  (Convince & Convert)

This debate between the marquees for two churches, while clearly from one of those sign generators, still made me laugh.¬† Having friends of all religious leanings, I have no problem seeing this happening.¬† It’s a big image, so click through to read all the Holy Goodness.

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Gettin Geeky wit’ it
• Pulsing Panjabi Pandorizing
• Yes, yes he is…

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• What You Should Do. What Should You Do?  (phxreguy)
• “Do something that means something”  (Ignite Phoenix)
• Why do you Yelp?  (WesleyTech)

If I ever go so nuts I’m fully Tom Cruise Crazy, I hope someone puts me out of my misery and sends me back to Xenu.¬† Fortunately, Jonathan Coulton (of Portal theme fame) has boldly gone where I hope never to go… and wrote a song about being Tom Cruise Crazy.¬† It’s a year + old, but still sadly relevant.

I wish I had some semblance of musical skill so I could even attempt stuff like this.  This guy really has a knack for the absurdly fantastic.

Found via WWdN.

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Yes, yes he is…
• Twitter Updates for 2008-09-27
• Gettin Geeky wit’ it

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• Social Media and Community  (Ignite Phoenix)
• Here's to the crazy ones  (Evo Terra)
• Sliced storytelling event in Phoenix this Saturday  (Evo Terra)

The truth about the turkey vulture.¬† If reincarnation is the way things work out, I’m totally submitting a request to come back as one of these guys.

More From Jeff Moriarty's Blog

• Twitter Updates for 2008-10-02
• Gettin Geeky wit’ it
• Twitter Updates for 2008-09-25

Jeff Moriarty's Blog Recommends

• Is SEO Dead?  (Voices of Arizona)
• my anniversary is coming…  (Ms. Herr)
• #evfn is the best Tweetup  (Evo Terra)