What do you call a group of hipsters?

April 20, 2012 By 2 Comments
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Hipsters Hogging Sofas by Phil Gyford

Hipsters Hogging Sofas by Phil Gyford

I’ve always been fascinated by the names given to different groups of creatures.

It may seem dull if you’re only familiar with phrases like a “pack of dogs” or a “flock of sheep,” but those are the easy ones.

A “pride of lions” gets more interesting, as does a “school of fish,” but even this is just getting warmed up.

Know what you call a group of giraffes? A “tower of giraffes”. It’s strange but perfect. A group of hippopotamuses (hippopotami?) is called a “crash”. A group of crows is a “murder of crows.” Jellyfish? A “smack.”

It’s this odd little corner of our language where there appears to be only convention and no real rules. It’s full of alliteration, whimsy, and weirdness. Just my sort of thing.

But it gets me wondering, every so often, what you call a group of something where I’ve never heard the term before. In this case, what do you call a group of Hipsters?

I asked on Twitter a while back and sadly neglected to write down all the fantastic ideas I received. A few of the contenders that I recall are:

  • An Irony of Hipsters
  • A Handlebar of Hipsters
  • A Stache of Hipsters
  • A Cappuccino of Hipsters
  • A Justifiable Homicide of Hipsters (see: Murder of Crows)

Why hipsters? Why not. It could be beneficial for places like coffee shops to help set up designated areas and such. And if you have a better idea, by all means let me know!

UPDATE: Had some great suggestions on Facebook including a “Cassette of Hipsters”, but my reigning favorite via Victor Moreno is “A TED of Hipsters”.

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Devirginized by Python: A Young Girl’s Guide To The Best Monty Python Sketches

November 11, 2011 By 3 Comments
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It's...

It's...

Last night a friend of mine, a one Samantha Leopoldi, confessed that she had never seen any Monty Python sketches.

Now, this would be a cause for concern amongst anyone, but Sam is a young lady of specific nerdish inclinations that made the revelation doubly shocking. She attends ComicCon, loves sci-fi and fantasy, and is a huge Harry Potter fan. She walks through the fields of geekery where not seeing Monty Python is as big of an abomination as asking “Darth who?”

She lamented we were making too big of a show of her education gap, but I don’t think she realizes the full and deep influence that Cleese, Chapman, Palin, Idle, Jones, and Graham had upon the world. Their impact on comedy has been (rightly) compared to the Beatles’ influence on music. A whole generation of British and American comics look to them as the Masters, and Python is credited with influencing everything from Saturday Night Live to the Simpsons and South Park.

Comedy should not be polite. It helps us stop taking ourselves so seriously.
- Jay Roach on Monty Python

Fortunately, young Miss Sam has friends, and I consulted on Twitter for the Five Best Monty Python sketches in which to instruct her. There was some understandable debate, but here is how the votes came in  (and a few stray gems)

#5 – The Spanish Inquisition

I bet nooooobody expected this!


I always did fear the comfy chair.

#4 – SPAM!

This one needs no introduction. Wait… DAMMIT! Well, mucked that up, didn’t I?

Not only is this sketch the likely reason we use “spam” to describe noisy and unwanted email, but it is a sweet combination of Pythonian silliness and cultural commentary – during food shortages Spam was widely distributed in the UK during WWII. This sketch was one of my favorites long before email even existed.

Bloody vikings…

#3 – The Lumberjack Song

One of the earliest Monty Python songs I learned as a kid, and it made me all sorts of friends and worried my mother. I included the full version of the sketch with the barbershop lead-in, as I think it helps set up the payoff…

In later performances the last line was sometimes changed to “papa”, I guess because it wasn’t weird enough as-is.

#2 – The Ministry of Silly Walks

Another commentary on British culture and government, but just so brilliantly silly it works fine entirely on its own. Also an example of the incredible physical comedic abilities of John Cleese.

I saw John Cleese perform live once, and he said silly walks are the thing people most ask him to do in person. He sounded not only right sick of it, but at 70 years old I don’t think it would be a good idea to even try.

Also, why isn’t he SIR John Cleese yet? Knight the bastard, already.

#1 – The Dead Parrot Sketch

I’m not sure this slot was ever really in contention. Dead Parrot pokes fun at poor customer service, the many names we have for dying, and is one of the most famous sketches in the history of British Television.

Ah, the poor Norwegian Blue…

Jeff’s Bonus – The Argument Clinic

I never met a meta I didn’t like, and this sketch has it all. It starts off mildly surreal, gets really surreal, then leaves all that behind and just exits reality through the loading dock.

Smart, fast, layered, self-mocking, and bizarre, it’s Python in top form.

Something Completely Different

I could do this all day long. Just pulling these clips together makes me want to go back and watch the whole bloody series. Here’s a few others that were suggested…

  • Philosophy Football – Python comedy was wicked, wicked smart. There were some jokes I didn’t get until years later, and I’m sure there are things in the Flying Circus I still miss. Here, German and Greek philosophers square up in a game of football (or “soccer” to us Yanks)
  • Albatross – Yell this at a concert and odds are someone will call back “What flavor is it?”  If not, leave.
  • Nudge Nudge – Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more!

I think that should about cover the TV series, and the movies are a whole different kettle of fish. However, if I have made any egregious omissions please let me know.

Oh… and don’t forget to always look on the bright side of life…

 

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Spametry – Poetry from my Spam Folder

August 30, 2010 By 1 Comment
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Flowers 3

Image via Wikipedia

Friends, I am in love. Yes, yes, this happens to me on a regular basis, but sometimes cupid attacks from a strange place, and this time he got me via my spam folder.

I received the most poetic, beautiful spam I think has ever been crafted by pseudo random code. Read on and see why I was so enchanted!

I am female.

A good start!  Simple and direct. I am cautious, shy, yet intrigued!

I have a blonde hair with golden shining.

Only one of her hairs is blonde – a dye-job gone wrong?  She is endowed with the Shining, and it is golden. Can Redrum be far behind with this maiden of mystery?

My eyes is green.

Does my damsel have one eye, or two? Or is it that the color is so singular it cannot be used in the plural?

I am medium height. I have beautiful hair.  My hair is medium straight.

Her hair must be beautiful indeed to merit a second mention. I picture it radiating with at the middle of the visible spectrum, appealing to the median of all males.

I live in a metropolis.  I work in public service.

Hold on… Metropolis?  Public service?  Lois Lane… is that you!?

I like to watch talk shows.  Representations in the theater.

The contrasting here of talk shows as a modern social commentary through consumable mass media and the theatrical foundations of storytelling is… sublime.

I like look after flowers . I like mountains.

She doesn’t look after flowers like a gardener, she looks like after flowers have been present and left the premises for the dream of the Compost Heap in the sky. And she is like a mountain… a husky woman, probably with enormous crags.

If you talk about me I am open panther.

A master of the Chung Quong Ding school of Kung Fu, the Open Panther school is one of the deadliest forms! Her privacy is very important to her, and I hope she does not reveal that I have shared our connection in this blog!

Most of all in men I value openness.

If I am not open with her, I am sure she will tear it from my throat with an Open Panther technique.

When I noticed you cinema.

Her use of cinema as a verb shows a playful linguistic side, underscored by terminating the sentence before the final act.

lightning decided for myself should.

Sounds like Yoda, she does.  Could our cinema be Star Wars?  Am I Luke to her… Yoda. Wait, suddenly this is getting a bit slashficy…

Because I can be for you a good friend if you want. I’m write me on my e-mail.

Oh, I shall, My Darling, I shall. Your Nigerian father shall have all the riches promised to him if I can at all help. Then we shall cinema upon the like of flowers that you panther up the mountain of our dreams.

God Bless the Internet and all its magic.

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Seven Deadly Sins – updated for online use

April 3, 2010 By 12 Comments
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Sculpture: Deadly Sins (Snowglobes), Pure Prod...

Image by See-ming Lee ??? SML via Flickr

After having an hour of productive time disappear after getting sidetracked in some Wikipedia articles, I tweeted out “It’s official – in the Seven Deadly Sins they’re replacing “Sloth” with “Dicking Around On The Internet”".  It was retweeted enough I thought I’d try my hand at updating the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins for the internet age.  As I am well acquainted with most forms of sin, I consider myself credentialed enough for this scholarly undertaking.

Old Sin New Sin Meaning
Lust Apple A self-indulgent craving for intimacy with sleek products; a desire for gadgets of svelte, sexy design and limited capabilities, regardless of price
Gluttony Followers Accumulation of faceless followers of minuscule value; insatiable craving for more followbacks than @aplusk but knowing no number would ever be enough
Greed Digg An inordinate desire to acquire more thumbs-up than the person or content deserves, especially with respect to regular content updates of no exceptional merit; if you like this post click here
Sloth Dicking Around On The Internet Wasting of valuable, potentially productive time by randomly clicking from link to link; frequently committed on Facebook, YouTube, and Wikipedia
Wrath Flamewar To maim, mangle, spindle, or mutilate another’s actions online through hyperbole and hysteria; motivation, experience, and parentage (esp: Yo Mama) frequently called into question
Envy Trolling To secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability through posting off-topic or cynical remarks to provoke others into an emotional response; you would already know what this meant if you weren’t a retarded Nazi
Pride SEO Ranking Seeking of the first spot, on the first page, of any Googling and Binging that a user would care to undertake; often irrelevant to value of content on page; iPad, Justin Bieber, Twilight, Health Care Reform, Lady Gaga

There’s the main Seven. I won’t do the Advanced Set of Sins yet as those are tricky to explain without graphics. If you can improve on any of my updated definitions, let me know.

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Come see me Monologue with some Galapagos!

March 3, 2010 By 1 Comment
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oob_pics on Flickr

I’m a long time Improv fan, being a former member of the most excellent Oxymoron’Z Troupe, and a founding member of the Jester’Z Troupe here in the Valley. I haven’t performed in ages, but the topic still nibbles at me, which is what led to my interest in Improv + Social Media.  So I was flattered when I was invited to be a Guest Monologuist for the wonderful Galapagos Improv Troupe’s this coming Saturday.

Galapagos does long form/Harold type improv, so I’ll be riffing on some things from my past and right in front of your eyes they’ll be bringing it to scary, scary life. My improv skills are rusty as hell, but not having any idea what I’m doing rarely slows me down. So if you want to catch some great local comedy, support an awesome local theater, or just want to see me get made fun of for an evening, come check it out!

Where: The Trunk Space – 1506 NW Grand Ave. Phoenix, AZ (map)
When: Saturday, March 6th, 8:00pm
Cost: $5
Evening of Laughter: Priceless
Reusing Old MasterCard Joke: Cliche
Final Item In This List: Thank God

Hope to see you Saturday!

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AC/DC 2008 – Dirty Tweets (done dirt cheap!)

December 11, 2008 By 2 Comments
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With apologies to Angus and friends.

If you’re havin’ trouble with your Google rank
It’s givin’ you the blues
You wanna get first page but not break the bank
Here’s what you gotta do
Grab your iPhone, I’m in the zone
Txt me any time
Just ping 1.36.24.36 hey
I lead my life online

Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)

You got problems in your web designer
You got a broken link
He’s double dealin’ with another site
That’s when the clickthroughs drop fella
Grab your iPhone, I’m in the zone
Or make a website crawl
Log right in, forget ’bout him
We’ll have ourselves a blog!

Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
Dirty tweets, done dirt cheap
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)
(Dirty tweets and they’re done dirt cheap)

If you’ve got a spammer and you want her gone
But you can’t block that putz
She keeps emailin’ you night and day
Enough to drive you nutz
Grab your iPhone, I’m in the zone
It’s time to trash her brand,
For a fee, I’m happy to be
Your linkjack man!

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Social Media Stupid Metaphor Exercise (bel Grande)

December 9, 2008 By 2 Comments
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I’m prone to random ideas, and last week it struck me that just about any danged crazy thing could (or has) been used as metaphor for Social Media, Web 2.0, or whatever you want to call this stuff. I had some time waiting for a program to install, so I threw out onto Twitter for people to “send me a noun” that I would then attempt to form into some faux profundity about Social Media.

Well, leave it to Twitter. The nouns flew fast and furious, and I had to cut them off quickly or I would have been at it all day. Below is the list of people, the words they gave me, and my replies. I won’t vouch for the quality of the replies, but it was definitely fun. Sometimes the best creativity flows when you’re really under the gun.

  • The rutabaga is a vegetable similiar to the turnip. The Root O’ Social Media is building communities. (@JeffReidAZ)
  • Getting old corporations to adopt new media is like curing a giraffe of a cough. It takes a while and you’re gonna get kicked. (@TSDivaDani)
  • Like a noun is the crux of every good sentence, honesty is the crux of every good blog. (@c_reed (nice one!))
  • Travelling snake-oil salesmen used to sell from their suitcase, now they just use twitter and my InBox! (@snakecharmers)
  • A good blogger needs a good pair of overalls, because like a farmer at some point you’ll be covered in ****. (@maniactive)
  • Like parsnip cowers in the shadow of the mighty carrot, spammers will never quite measure up to the honest blogger (@smlacy)
  • Even the mighty blue whale knows the difference between the soggy plankton and the nourishing krill of the internet. (@memestorm)
  • Like the mighty aardvark, you must plunge your moist snout of curiousity into the anthill of social media! (@jeffmann)
  • L is for the layers of conversation social media brings to discussions, from the meaningful to the totally contrived. (@deanouellette) (ed: Not sure L was a noun, but what the heck)
  • Many enter the social media vestibule, but they’re not entering the main hall without purchasing a Ticket of Sincerity. (@timedalkat)
  • Social Media is the soup of the internet. You have to stir through lots of broth and peas to find the tasty bits of meat. (@spellwight)

I’ll definitely give it another try someday. Maybe make a whole book of these things.

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Halloween Post: Poe’s The Raven… twitter version

October 31, 2008 By 7 Comments
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Once upon a Tweetdeck dreary, while I Twittered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious snurl of meme-passed lore,
While I groaned, nearly bailing, suddenly there came a failing,
As of something poorly scaling, scaling on some maxed out cores.
”Tis some n00b,’ I muttered, ‘scaling on a single core -
Only this, and nothing more.’

Thusly here I clicked to Send, when, with what became a great portend,
In there appeared a smirking whale of whose sight I’d soon abhor.
Not the least apology made he; not any helpful info gave me;
But, with mien of poor design, loaded into my screen’s d?©cor -
Loaded into the browser of Mozilla in the focus of my screen’s d?©cor -
Loaded, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this cyan mammal floating my sad patience was eroding,
By the silly and flighty decorum of the struggling birds it bore,
‘Though the image be used and stale, thou,’ I said, ‘art sure of small detail.
Ghastly smug and bloated whale flitting from thy server’s shore -
Tell me what thy pixeled name is on the Net’s Spamtonian shore!’
Quoth the Whale, ‘Nevermore.’

And the Whale, always gloating, still is loading, still is loading,
On the browser of Mozilla just above my apps galore;
And his teeth have all the gnashing of an application’s that is crashing,
And the back-lash o’er him washing throws his funding to the floor;
And my tweets from out that leviathan that is my screen’s d?©cor
Shall be loading – nevermore!

(with profound apologies to E.A.P.)

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Do you have the skills for Social Media?

September 17, 2008 By 2 Comments
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A long time back I set up some job alerts at different career sites like Dice and Monster.com for Social Media positions.¬† I hadn’t received an email alert from Monster.com in a while, and I’d almost entirely forgotten I had it still active.

Until this week.

Monster.com is either drunk out of their minds, or there is a deep change coming in the Social Media landscape.¬† The same alert that once returned positions like “Community Manager” and “Wiki Administrator” in just Arizona have now returned:

  • Emergency Medical Science Instructor in Kinston, NC
  • 911 Dispatcher in Yuma, AZ
  • Lawn Tech in Ocala, FL
  • Triad Associate Dentist in Winston/Salem
  • Assistant Thai Cook in Destin, FL
  • Special Ops Personnel (Military Combat) in (No location given)
  • Manager at House of China Restaurant in (No location given)

The message is clear. Social Media has moved beyond trying to drive authentic, dynamic conversations and is now a critical component of every facet of our lives.  Where once you needed to just know how to set up WordPress, now you must know CPR. Where once you just had to know how to use Friendfeed, now you have to be able to carve shrubbery into funny animal shapes.  Where once you just had to know how to filter Scoble out from every damned Internet tool on Earth, you now must be able to infiltrate enemy governments while cooking Asian gourmet food AT THE SAME TIME.

I, for one, welcome the challenge.  And if you happen to be looking for a job yourself, I think there may be a Web Developer position opening up really soon over at Monster.com

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Do you believe in Dog?

September 14, 2008 By 1 Comment
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This debate between the marquees for two churches, while clearly from one of those sign generators, still made me laugh.¬† Having friends of all religious leanings, I have no problem seeing this happening.¬† It’s a big image, so click through to read all the Holy Goodness.

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